1. |
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Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one
The longest journey starts with a mission plan
A measured countdown and just one single step
I gave up on my human heart
(I wasn’t using it)
So I could last forever
Too late for any small regrets
(But even yet)
It seems I still remember
When I became forever
(Are we there yet?)
It seems I’m still nostalgic
For the bitter taste of never
(Are we there yet?)
Maybe a scheduled correction in a couple of years
I am not used to this
One star drawing closer
One foot and then the other
But somewhere in my memory
(There seems to be a face)
I don’t know who it is
Did I once have a lover?
I cannot say I understand
About this part
It seems I still remember
When I became forever
(Are we there yet?)
It seems I’m still nostalgic
For the bitter taste of never
(Are we there yet?)
The point about eternity
Is so much drops away
You need not fear infinity
A foot in front of the other foot
I always brave the weather
One step in front of another step
Repeat this forever
So here I am, it’s me again
Alone, reporting
Most of this is the mission log
Some is just me talking
Am I still proud to do this thing?
What was it for, do you know?
Walking
Walking to Alpha Centauri
I guess I’ll see it through!
I cannot say I understand
About this part
It seems I still remember
When I became forever
(Are we there yet?)
It seems I’m still nostalgic
For the bitter taste of never
(Are we there yet?)
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2. |
Identity
04:01
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She’s taken my imaginary friend
And I’m upset I think I think
Things get more complex, it’s a trend
I hope that I can grasp before I sink
He’s left me for my spirit guide
I now doubt things I know I know
Are real. Keep calm. I won’t hide
My disappointment, everybody goes
How can he leave
With the boy who isn’t here?
How can he love the girl who can’t exist
In this or any other world?
He’s run off with two characters I wrote
Short stories for so long so long
Ago. I think one left me notes
In margins but I may be wrong
I never worked them out anyway
My other other self has gone
A partial person ought to stay
Forever – so I thought, turns out I’m wrong
How can she leave
With the boy who isn’t here?
How can she love the girl who can’t exist
In this or any other world?
Where have they gone? Where am I now?
There is so little of me left to show
And once I would have fought
But these days I am caught
There are more people here than you and me
Though none agree what’s real is real
There should be someone I can be
To keep the gang together. Seal
All the doors and count my shadows.
There’s more and more of them abscond
I need to be the one who’s quite
Certain where his fragments are tonight
What have they done? What can I do?
They think that I’m imaginary too
And once I would have argued
But recently I’m not so sure
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3. |
Anger Bob
04:57
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Anger Bob marooned in morning traffic
Anger Bob shouts something at the cars
Anger Bob perched high on night-time rooftops
Shouts irate manifestos at the stars
Anger Bob eats angrily from paper bags
Anger Bob beats fists against the glass
Anger Bob is a fixture in the city
As permanent as dead and dusty grass
Did you wish to leave a message?
In your own words, please describe
Your early days (days)
Please, take a seat
Complete all forms in Biro please
List every item that you need
Do not expect to ever leave the maze
Anger Bob distrusts his own reflection
Anger Bob slides nervously past shops
Anger Bob means something to commuters
But this is not to say they’d like to swap
Did you wish to leave a message?
In your own words, please describe
Your early days (days)
Please, take a seat
Complete all forms in Biro please
List every item that you need
Do not expect to ever leave the maze
A patron saint for modern time
I see his only states of mind
Are anger, fury, irritation, rage
Did you once live ordinary days?
Did you wish to leave a message?
In your own words, please describe
Your early days (days)
Please, take a seat
Complete all forms in Biro please
List every item that you need
Do not expect to ever leave the maze
Don’t expect, don’t expect, don’t expect to ever
Don’t expect, don’t expect, don’t expect to ever
Don’t expect, don’t expect, don’t expect to ever
Don’t expect to ever leave the maze
Don’t expect, don’t expect, don’t expect to ever
Don’t expect, don’t expect, don’t expect to ever
Don’t expect, don’t expect, don’t expect to ever
Leave
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4. |
Methodology of Love
05:17
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So am I mad or is this some new science?
The rules of space-time got rewritten
Quantum fragments hanging smitten – it’s mystical
A strange light breaks and I am dumb
So am I mad or is this some new art?
It isn’t dance or painting eggs for Easter
But there’s a side to it upgrades the heart
And is it art or science? Maybe neither
In theory there is a force that spins the stars
Orders the heavens and shades the sea
And if I land a probe on Mars
It’s waiting for me with a cup of tea
So am mad or is this some new Maths?
Numbers and symbols walled in big square braces
Converging (as they march across the map)
Upon the simplest of possible cases
Or am I mad not playing this new sport?
The players run and show a certain glee
I may be out-of-bounds, I may be caught
There are no rules so far as I can see
In theory there is a force that spins the stars
Orders the heavens and shades the sea
And if I land a probe on Mars
It’s waiting for me with a cup of tea
In theory there’s a theory to every heart that beats
In practice it’s not practical the theory incomplete
So am I mad or is it you?
The rules unravel when you are near
The normal ways of thinking don’t compute
I’m puzzled but there’s one thing that seems clear
There is a force that spins the stars
Orders the heavens and shades the sea
And if I land a probe on Mars
It’s waiting for me with a cup of tea
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5. |
On End Times Boulevard
04:19
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My coffee’s cold, you took a sip
The cup has frost where you held it
Your skin is white, your eyes so pale
Mist curls around you like a veil
You say that everything must end
And far beyond the window pane
The stars are getting tired and old
But do not say your heart’s grown cold
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The ice giants came, but then they froze
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The dead stars pass in silent curves
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The ice giants came, but then they froze
And withered in the light of your reserve
Have you become an ice princess
Or possibly a soi-chilled prince?
I cannot tell, you’re veiled in layers
Of circumspect disinformation
I do not offer hot passions
I know that you’ve been burnt before
Now you say the world is passed
I can’t believe we’ve come at last
To End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The ice giants came, but then they froze
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The dead stars pass in silent curves
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The ice giants came, but then they froze
And withered in the light of your reserve
The heat death of the Universe
The clockwork dancers all run down
And I will pour some fresh coffee
And take heart that you are still around
I say the time for games is done
And everything now real or gone
If every war is long-since fought
My coffee still at least is hot
They say there’s time enough for love
Though maybe here that isn’t true,
I say let’s get up on our feet
And dance while there is still some heat
On End Times Boulevard
On End Times Boulevard
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The ice giants came, but then they froze
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The dead stars pass in silent curves
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
The ice giants came, but then they froze
And withered in the light of your reserve
On End Times Boulevard (Boulevard)
On End Times Boulevard
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6. |
To the Sky
05:34
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Those were our days
We would space-walk in the park
I made you laugh, we kicked the grass
I didn’t float home until the dark
And you never grew cold
But you grew distant, never told me why
I was a clown, said I’d be around
I was a fool to let you fly
Got my space suit on
I’ve got dotted arrows drawn upon the night
As the count down runs, all the systems hum
I can follow arrows to the sky
When the engines run
I’ve got green lights right across the board
I locked everyone out, but I do not doubt
And now it really seems as if a man can touch the sky
I lost those days
And how the vacuum’s more complete
You are not there, not anywhere
That I can reach on aching feet
I will not let it end
I’ve watched the wall clock since you’re gone
My head tilts back, to view the black
And you’re a pale star in the dawn
Got my space suit on
I’ve got dotted arrows drawn upon the night
As the count down runs, all the systems hum
I can follow arrows to the sky
When the engines run
I’ve got green lights right across the board
I locked everyone out, but I do not doubt – but …
… now … oh-oh-oh-oh-ohoo-oh
Houston, I have a problem
It has to be
There’s love in outer space
But there is too much junk beyond the place
Where all the blue turns black
And how can one man
In his tiny can
Have ever hoped …
I had a space suit on
I had a space suit on
I had a space suit on
I had a space suit on
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7. |
Underpass
02:59
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I walk through this place every
morning and evening
there’s always people loitering
I never paid attention until now
A dying front-page blowing
tattered in the wind,
a doctor of psychology
draws overlapping circles for the mind
an ageing barefoot drunkard fills them in
And if I had my time again
I would spend it now, as then
watching the world rewritten
in the underpass.
A dying storm-front winding
somewhere high up above
a homeless man speaks physics
how it relates to every sort of love
a crowd of bike messengers listen in
And if it turns out
if it should come to pass
beneath the concrete lintel
of the underpass
and even if the truth won't last
we still will have the lessons of the underpass
And if I had my time again
I would spend it now, as then
watching the world rewritten
in the underpass.
Two slow policemen striding
from somewhere in the night
one proves there’s natural justice
with twigs and stones beneath the light
a student photographs the scene
And if I had my time again
I would spend it now, as then
watching the world rewritten
in the underpass.
If I had my time again
I would spend it now, as then
watching the world rewritten
in the underpass.
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8. |
Hey Changeling
04:14
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Are you stalking through the shadows
With your slightly eerie glow
Your pale green hair
Your almond eyes
Your constant scent of newly fallen snow
Are you quite at home in this world
All its motorbikes and gangs
Its dirty needles
Boarded windows
This surely can’t be any home you planned
Hey changeling, so what are you about?
Hey changeling, where do you come from?
Hey changeling, should you let them find you out
Or is it time for moving on?
Why do you still try to live with human beings?
Why do you still try to do that boy/girl thing?
Although you can hold a job or stand in queues
Is this honestly the sort of world for you?
You keep walking through my dream time
With your shirt slightly undone
Your rapid eyes
Expressive hands
You daze me, but your wildness looks like fun
Are you quite at home in this world?
All its sex-workers and cops
Its red-lit doorways
Car-park dealers
In your heart you know there’s nowhere sane it stops
Hey changeling, so what are you about?
Hey changeling, where do you come from?
Hey changeling, should you let them find you out
Or is it time for moving on?
Why do you still try to live with human beings?
Why do you still try to do that boy/girl thing?
Although you can hold a job or stand in queues
Is this honestly the sort of world for you?
Is this any sort of world for you?
Is this any sort of world for you?
Or is it time for moving on?
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9. |
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I’m standing in some car-park with a case
That I can’t open. I’ve no plan, it’s dark
And raining and my shoes are leaking slowly
And I know the man I'm meeting: he’s a shark
The clever fish keep clear. I’ll do the deal
But watch the larger shadows as they flow
Between the BMWs. I am numb
But there is so much that I owe
If I can just survive
If I can just survive
if I can only live
Through these next moments
I swear it all will change
Car-parks, darkness, rain and cases
Silent men with folded faces
Eyes that swivel in their sockets
Metal objects clutched in pockets
I do this for the wad of green
The wish that I can fall out clean
What was it years ago, decisions made
That brought me to this day without a choice?
But I at least can try a better deal
A wilder card, a last throw of the dice
And surely it’s my life to gamble with?
I should not meet this man without a soul
Around to witness what goes down. But he’s here
And nothing now seems under my control …
If I can just survive
If I can just survive
if I can only live
Through these next moments
I swear it all will change
It’s always dark and always raining
It helps me hide, I’m not complaining
It’s heartbreaking, but it’s my trade:
The way my little money’s made
So do the deal and walk away
So do the deal and walk away
So do the deal and walk away
I’ll live to deal another day
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10. |
End of Days
03:49
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There’s shades of grey and shades of dark
Entropy waxing in the park
A flock of pigeons drops out from the sky
Black daisies glint on dark-grey grass
A silent brass band marching past
It’s far too late to give it one more try
And so it seems that this is real
An everyday doomsday scenario
And when you leave
Where will, where will you go
An everyday doomsday scenario
And what is there remaining I can say?
Worlds in collision.
Worlds that drift apart.
The ice cream seller has no stock
The town hall tower has no clock
An age of reason stumbles to a halt
Old ladies stationary standing
The children’s ball will not be landing
I cannot point at someone whose at fault
And so it seems that this is real
An everyday doomsday scenario
And when you leave
Where will, where will you go
An everyday doomsday scenario
And what is there remaining I can say?
Worlds in collision.
Worlds that drift apart
Do beginnings imply endings
Is everything required to evolve?
If ending breaks us up so badly
Is it better not to get involved?
And so it seems that this is real
An everyday doomsday scenario
And when you leave
Where will, where will you go
An everyday doomsday scenario
And what is there remaining I can say?
Worlds in collision.
Worlds that drift apart.
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11. |
Empty Streets
06:07
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There’s no town in the town tonight
The lamp-post flickers twice a minute
What’s a town, with no-one in it
Except a stage for litter and for rain
There’s no-one in the town tonight
Except sweeping machines out roaming
And what’s the town with no-one owning
The neon corner by the old arcade
If I am in town on this night
Must I struggle for some reason
Lights reflecting from wet cobbles
All the shop-fronts blank and dreaming
If I am in this town tonight
How can it matter where I go?
What problem if I can’t recall
If I am going out or going home
I’m everyman, on any evening
A pilgrim somehow stranded on a street
The sense that daytime’s heat’s now leaving
A sense that something colder stirs
Uneasy in the dark tonight
And yet there’s something here that I prefer
There’s nothing in the town tonight
But two cats that ignore each other
Loose posters flap their lazy flutter
And they have much more drive to them than me
There’s no town in the town tonight
the distant traffic fades from notice
and what’s a town, but where the hopeless
unnoticed stand and watch the blurring speed
If I am in town on this night
Must I struggle for some reason
Lights reflected from wet cobbles
All the shop-fronts blank and dreaming
If I am in this town tonight
How can it matter where I go?
What problem if I can’t recall
If I’m going out or going home
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Hallam London Dresden, Germany
PostPunkIndieRock // Performer + Composer // Rock’n’Roll Club + Theatre Stage // queer and pround
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